Living for Him

This whole ordeal started on August 8th, 2008 in Parker, Colorado where I departed tearfully from my family. That is the hardest day of my life. I can use no words to describe the emotions that were going on in my head. I looked out the window of the car all the way to the airport... such a long lonely drive. I miss my whole family. "WHAT HAVE I DONE?" is a constant in my head. My family paid for a decision I made 30years ago.....

My Ex Wife started out a real trooper. She was very motivating to me in that when I was awaiting sentencing she would send me some fantastic letters of encouragement and also quite a few inmates. To see the smiles and tears of gratitude, and overall amazement that a stranger sent them a letter... was the most inspirational thing I have ever seen and had the honor of being part of. Those men would read those letters sitting on their bunk and just be in utter amazement. Mant times, more often than not, her words brought tears to these mens eyes and touch them ina way that many had never been before. Only the kind word of a caring woman was going to touch these men. We all were mommas boys so her letters went deep. I would sit and watch, I could tell by a persons reaction whose life she had touched. You would watch them just sit and stare at the paper and just sit there for the longest. You see when you are in a place feeling like no one cares and a stranger  1) writes you  2) sends words that were exactly what you needed at that place and time  3) you needed a hug. Those letters carried that much weight. Grown men and I mean some really big dudes were brought to tears by a woman of only 5 feet 2 inches of stature, tell me something.  It brought tears to my eyes to see what she did every time. One man named Kurt broke down and could only stand and stare out the window for probably near an hour. Her letter brought him out of a depression he had been in for almost a week and a half. I have only read about things like that in Readers Digest or something like that and to see it happen in front of you is breath taking and simply the work of God. She might not realize the impact she had on a lot of people, but she did and made a HUGE difference in how they looked at their situation. She brought them hope when there wasn't any for the situation they were currently in, but often times for the future in their life. One of the guys ,Ed ,told me all the time," you had better change your ways because you have a good beautiful, spirit filled woman. She is only going to make your life better and help you grow more in your relationship with the Lord." It was something that made me appreciate my wife Natalie even more to hear him speak of her that way. What an inspiration to me in growing stronger in my faith and to also motivating me more in wanting to spread the word to this very day. I am gretaful I was able to be a part of that. What an opportunity to see the power of the Lord.

Thank you ...........                     

         Sometimes we have to follow to find the way to lead.

AMEN

I  can remember sitting outside in the hot hot Texas sun staring out into the fields around the Walker Sayle Unit. The thoughts of "How could I have let this get so bad? I am so sorry to all of my family. I love my wife and kids." Just so much goes through a mans head.

I look up see a bird, "he doesn't even worry about where his food comes from... he just lives free."